FOG!
I had no idea this acronym existed!
I heard it the other day for the first time.
However, I am very familiar with what is stands for it!
FEAR – OBLIGATION – GUILT
I love how perfect this acronym is in terms of the meaning of the word!
Consider fog, it is a low-lying cloud form.
When we are experiencing FOG, we are clouded!
There is little clarity,
poor visibility,
no bigger picture,
& it is more challenging to move forward with confidence & ease.
Plus, it can be scary.
If you are making decisions from one of these 3 FOG standpoints,
it is an invitation to transform & make decisions from integrity, clarity & spiritual truth.
POSITIVE CHECK IN!
Before you read on, position yourself into an objective state of CURIOSITY & LOVE,
so this can be an interesting & potentially enlightening read.
Being honest with ourselves takes courage.
Making actual change from the inside out can be challenging but incredibly powerful!
We all have the power to transform & so I share this blog with love.
Ultimately all challenges are positive because without them,
we wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn & empower ourselves beyond belief! WAHOO! :D
OK, big, loving deep breath, & personally I am a huge fan of an audible exhale (providing you are not in a meeting lol)!
Let’s go on with unconditional self-love & why not treat yourself to a dose of the good feeling dopamine hit that comes with learning something new! #doublebubble
You’re welcome! ;)
FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) highlights 3 limiting patterns of thinking, feeling & behaving.
When these emotions are out of context / AWOL, they are damaging to health.
There is no judgement here,
I used to live like this; unknowingly in a low rumbling state of fear!
What’s more, I am glad about that & grateful now, because experience is a real teacher!
I also work with incredible people who are focused on shifting beyond these patterns.
It’s NOT your fault (so don’t feel guilty lol!) but it is your responsibility (be empowered).
If someone or something you interact with frequently triggers these feelings within you, I would take that as a large red Formula 1 style flag!
Rest assured, it is inevitable that people will take advantage of you if you feel guilty & make choices from obligation & fear,
because consent is being given on an energetic & unspoken level…it’s a match!
These 3 emotional standpoints can be VERY persuasive!
They can easily have you thinking that you're helping people by being this way.
Fear-based patterns will do this…strongly,
because at some point, it was wired into your survival brain that this is the way for you to stay safe.
Truth bomb: you are likely not helping people as much as you think!
Making choices from a genuine place of authenticity, enthusiasm, engagement, honesty, love (the real kind) & alignment has way more positive impact.
When FOG becomes your Modis Operandi,
you are typically enabling others whilst disabling yourself. That is different & you can feel it.
It might be, that these modes convince you that by acting through fear, guilt or obligation, that you are in fact a good person (aka you are enough).
You already are!!!
You have been all along!!!
You still are, when you make choices that do not go against your internal guidance system!
But when you truly know you are enough, you don’t need to keep proving it!
Doing things out of obligation is very different to taking responsibility for something.
It often comes with ‘should’ rather than feeling positively committed.
Guilt Be Gone!
Feeling guilty does not help people, it is not empowering.
We do not improve situations or relationships by layering on lashings of guilt!
It is a low frequency emotion that pours fear-based / stress hormones into the body which depletes energy, life-force & health.
Guilt has its place, like all emotions; a short burst as an invitation to course correct with no need for overthinking. The End!
When it is a frequent experience, it is generated from a limiting belief that is ready to be explored & released so you can go about your life in a better feeling way.
It can manifest in different ways; one is in seeking external validation.
Another possibility is that you are attempting to take responsibility for other people’s emotions & circumstances.
You are NOT responsible for other people’s emotions…this is an almighty & impossible task to take on, that often goes wrong!
The irony here is that when we are not taking responsibility for our own emotions, it really doesn't put is in the best position to be attempting to take on other people's.
Makes perfect sense when you think of it like that, doesn't it?
But we are complex creatures & we play a game of projection & reflection.
What we don't do for ourselves /can't give to ourselves, we project onto the nearest people around us.
It is life changing when you begin to understand & apply this stuff!
When we focus on developing emotional mastery for ourselves (my flavour of coaching) then we are in a far stronger position to help anyone else, should consent be given.
Unsolicited advice is really quite annoying for the recipient!
OK, back to Guilt!
Perhaps you are making decisions that don’t serve you to avoid feelings of guilt?
This is very common.
Whilst it may provide temporary relief,
there may also be a self-fulfilling prophecy / cycle & habit in development.
The feeling of guilt is avoided…..ahhhh sweet relief….until next time!
Each time, the cycle becomes more deeply entrenched in our neurology.
Limiting beliefs (this is where guilt originates from) are also affirmed & validated!
More power to them unfortunately.
Boundaries remain in a weakened state, & confidence is chipped away at.
The self-defeating energetic contract with someone else (that does not serve the highest version of themselves btw) is ALIVE & …..
….I would use the word ‘well’ to fit the bill for a common phrase,
but that may be an ironic choice given that it's quite the opposite of being well!
When we continually make choices that don’t serve us, from emotions that remain unaddressed, we do not feel good.
Damn it! That’s just not fair is it?
We were hoping that the decision from FOG would then provide sweet relief & let us off the hook!
However, when we betray our inner guidance system & ignore our real feelings, we are acting from a place of not being in integrity.
Over time it can build up a subconscious festering bank of resentment & suppressed anger, martyrdom & / or victimhood. Not the ideal cocktail to thrive on!
Two outcomes for this - it may eventually be expressed in an unhealthy way externally (every pressure cooker needs a release at some point) or toxify on the inside (internal rotting)!
The tempation may be to justify these choices by convincing oneself that you ‘did a good thing’ but if you don’t honestly feel that way, it’s a total con!
When you spot this, you must appreciate yourself for your awareness!
It takes self-esteem to be aware of your own shadow & guts to do something about it, so I applaud you, take a bow & remember to laugh, it's all going to work out BRILLIANTLY!
Ideal Matches for the Guilt Ridden:
Ok, here’s where we get a bit more into the Spiritual Intelligence realm with this topic.
Everything is energy & is a match for an energy of corresponding frequency.
Well, that’s science I suppose!
I believe there is a beautiful overlap between science & spirituality that can explain pretty much everything in existence, but that’s going off on a tangent!
So, what kind of energy would match with someone who makes decisions from FOG?
Maybe come up with your own answers at this point before you read on?
Perhaps you have a real-life situation right now that you can relate to?
Awareness is the foundation for mastery, so go you! #highfive #happydance
My examples are not exclusive or exhaustive.
Just because you may have fog to work on, doesn’t mean everyone you attract is negative!
That’s absolutely not true, we are blessed with amazing, supportive people in this life.
I am just highlighting the more challenging catalysts.
Examples:
· Takers! People who also lack boundaries (same issue, different mode).
· Manipulators. People who take advantage (consciously or not).
· Blame! This is a real kicker! The very thing you are trying to avoid, you can attract!
· Criticism. People who criticise you or put you down.
· Projection: People who are not taking responsibility for their emotions.
· Inauthenticity. People who are not being honest with you.
When decisions are made from FOG,
intuition has usually left the building!
We all have Intuition.
We all have access to this perfectly designed, accurate, powerful inbuilt guidance system & source of knowing.
Alas, for much of the time, this incredible gift remains dormant!
This is NOT our fault!
Not many people I know have been taught, trained, educated, inspired or enlightened about this topic.
It is one of the things I practice & love to teach!
To develop a strong connection with intuition so that it guides our life in positive ways,
takes time, energy, dedication & practise.
The most challenging aspect for many people is in learning to TRUST the intuition they receive & discern between anxiety & intuition.
It is so worth it though!
Intuition is such a gift and has far reaching positive outcomes & benefits.
Here’s the another spiritually intelligent injection!
The Soul understands (not the fearful ego part of us) that everything is happening FOR us not TO us.
As a man once said, 'whether you think you can or you can't, you are right."
It's a little bit like that,
Your choice, one perspective / belief is empowering, one is limiting.
This concept is not always easy to swallow, there can be a lot we don't like about it - which is good, that's already provided something to work on. Explore that resistance. Dig into the beliefs you have around that & you will unearth some gold!
With empowering perspectives or beliefs, it puts the power back within you (which is where it has always been hiding btw).
The other perspective, makes us a victim.
What to Do Next:
If you have got this far, THANK YOU for reading my work.
I am grateful to you & would love to hear if this has resonated on any level.
No judgement from me, we are all on a journey, learning along the way.
Let’s look at a few top tips so you can put some of this learning into action if you wish.
Top Tips For Change:
I could write a book about this, but you have already been patient enough to get to this stage! So, let’s keep it simple!
It’s actually turned into an acronym! Ha ha! Let’s call it SOAR!
Perfect, because it will help you SOAR through life for sure AND the connection I love here as I always see life in symbols is with the Eagle.
An Eagle soars.
It is symbolic of flying close to the heavens & from the mountain tops (elevated).
This represents being connected to our higher mind, the highest & wisest & most loving part of ourselves, the spiritual & eternal essence of our being.
It is quite literally far & above our lower mind, the judgement, the fear & stress.
SOAR
1) Self-Compassion.
Please be patient & loving with yourself. This level of work is not for the faint hearted & so being kind to yourself is key & helps the healing process massively! Support yourself!
2) Observe.
This starts with you, way before you have conversations with others.
The temptation is to try & 'fix' the surface level situation or person. This is part of the problem. Even if you make that change, if you haven't worked on yourself in the process, the pattern will repeat (law of attraction).
Awareness is HUGE!
Observe with CURIOSITY not judgement (I can’t stress this enough)!
There is a part of you, that is greater than your thoughts & feelings.
Notice & study your behaviour, thoughts & emotions as if you are your own case study, but with curiosity NOT judgment.
Make notes (I love a journal).
When you shift into observing mode, you become the Witness archetype (I speak about this a lot).
It is your Higher Self; the most loving & wise part of you (where intuition comes from) gently assisting the smaller & more fearful part of you. A bit like being your own best parent.
Create a safe space for observation of yourself because it is vital that you can allow & feel your emotions, without needing to make sense of them or analyse them to death.
If you recognise that you are getting stuck in your head with this & going into analysis paralysis, pause, take a breath & feel back into the body. Clarity comes from peace.
3) Ask Good Questions.
Good questions do not start with ‘what is wrong with me?’ for example!!
We want questions from the part of you that is open hearted & ready to listen, not judgemental.
Honour the answers, don't make them right or wrong!
Emotions are a powerhouse of energy!
You cannot wrestle them to the ground & dictate to them! But you can develop emotional mastery.
It's ideal to have a notebook for this process, this is a conversation with yourself or a very trusted coach, counsellor, therapist, friend, someone you trust who will not project onto you.
Q1: How do I really feel (be totally honest!) in my body (emotions are physiological) about this situation, person, choice?
Q2: What thoughts / limiting beliefs are coming up from the ‘noise’ / lower mind chatter?
Q3: What belief might I have about myself that is not loving & not empowering? This means it is not true; it is FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real.
Q4: What am I making this belief mean about myself or the universe at large? Recognise it is not loving, empowering or true.
The key is not to head straight into solutions! That can be tempting, but it bypasses beliefs, emotions & deeper more profound discovery.
Q5: What would the wisest & most loving part of me say about this false & limiting belief that would empower me & help me to feel better? Tiny steps are incredible!
4) R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Sing it!!! Thank you Aretha!
Respect yourself for doing this work!
Honour yourself through this process, be your best cheerleader, appreciate yourself.
Nobody sustainably thrives under a cruel task master!
Remind yourself to allow thoughts & feelings to be there without judging them. I have already mentioned this, but it is so important that it warrants a reminder.
I trust that helps on some level.
When we ignore emotions, they drive our behaviour subconsciously & unconsciously.
When we start to work with them effectively, we become masters of our destiny!
Wishing you every success & happiness on your journey to FREEDOM!
It is 100% possible to transform through any of these challenges.
If you are looking for someone to work with & you think I might be the right person (your intuition will tell you!) then please get in touch for a conversation.
Good Vibes, Amanda G
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